The Pain of Losing a Loved One

Losing a loved one to death because of a preventable disease is ultimately a very harsh reality anyone has to face in life. That happened to me of the first day of last Chinese New Year, I lost my aunt to lung cancer. I could never forget the fateful day, 26 January 2009, waking up to a text message on my mobile phone informing that my aunt had passed away early in the morning. The next thing I knew I was bawling my eyes out in front of my parents as I informed them of the sad news.

My late aunt was the wife to Mom's youngest brother. We were very close from the day she got married to my uncle. I remembered talking to her about many issues pertaining to my life and personal matters, she was a very open-minded and positive person and we shared a lot of things in common. She often encouraged me to enjoy and make the most out of my youth, in fact she often reminded me that "we are only young once in a lifetime" and I should seize the opportunities that come my way for my own benefit. In fact, she was the one of the very few people in my life to tell me to work hard and play hard and at the same time enjoy life to the fullest.

My late aunt was diagnosed with advanced stage lung cancer in April 2008. However, she kept the bad news from almost all family members, both her family and Mum's family until she could no longer hide the truth. I only found out about the truth four months after she was diagnosed of this dreaded disease. The shock of receiving the bad news was beyond belief. I was too stunned to say anything upon hearing it. Not to mention, I could not even shed the tears of sadness and grief. I was in a daze for weeks on end.

I tried my best to spend more time with my late aunt as I knew the days of her trying to just be alive is severely cut short by this ravaging disease. As there was no way I can show my indescribable sadness and grief, I compensated it by being strong emotionally for my late aunt as well as my uncle and their two young sons. The sadness and grief I was experiencing was beyond what I had experienced and could comprehend from past experience. I was finding it very difficult to channel my emotions in an appropriate manner. It felt as though the sadness and grief was consuming my physical and psychological well-being.

The magnitude of the sadness and grief were only felt the week following the funeral service. The reality of my late aunt's demise hit me really hard to the extreme I have never experienced before. I was crying my eyes out; trying my best to cope with the pain from the sadness and grief I have been keeping inside me for that five months. There were no words that can describe the emotional and psychological turmoil during this difficult period of bereavement.

Unknowingly, I have fallen into the vicious cycle of complicated bereavement. This is where one experiences the bereavement process beyond its normal duration of one year. It is really difficult to describe the actual experience of complicated bereavement but if one often find himself or herself to be unable to pick himself or herself out of the normal duration of bereavement within one year, then chances are he or she has fallen into the vicious cycle of complicated bereavement. However, I know I am able to rise above the challenge of picking myself out of this complicated bereavement, as I have been tested in similar situations in the past.

Life can be very unfair especially when we have been repeatedly "bashed up" by undesirable events throughout our lives; however, the survival instincts would usually kick into high gear to ensure we would be able to rise to challenging times in our lives. It is very much dependent on how we are able to cope with and handle them in an appropriate manner. As for me, dealing with pain of losing a loved one like my late aunt will be an extremely challenging experience but with the help of the guardian angels (you all know who you are - I don't have to mention any names) in my life, it would help make it less painful for me to cope with the challenging times in the future throughout my life.

I have my all my guardian angels to thank for making this often miserable life bearable. In return, I will try to reciprocate the kindness I have received from them all this time. I guess, in order for me to survive the harsh realities of this world is to "just keep swimming.... just keep swimming" like Dory from Finding Nemo often said, without any care in the world.... to keep searching for better things that I'm really meant for in life.